My Children ~ My Teachers

Just this morning, I learned yet another beautiful lesson at the hands of my daughter.

We decided after morning snuggles to ride our bikes to the local cafe for breakfast. With full tummies, we arrived back home and as we came in, I asked my girls to wash their hands and then proceeded to ask my older daughter to put some drawing materials away. Not thinking anything about these requests, I proceeded to go about my business.

A few moments later, my daughter came into the kitchen and said to me, "Mama, you know how you're always looking to be the best mom you can be?". "Yes," I replied, (wondering what I had done this time)! "Well, I don't really like it when you ask me to do two things at once. It's like you don't give me a chance to do the first thing before you ask me to do the second thing." "Oh!", I replied, genuinely surprised. I honestly hadn't given it a second thought. I proceeded to thank her for her honesty and for sharing with me her feelings of frustration. She asked me if I would only ask for one thing to be done before I added another request to the list. I responded that I most certainly could do that. She toddled away, and that was that!

It is moments like these that give me such gratitude and peace about being a mom. This mom role is tough some days, and I truly value the feedback. Now some feedback is easier to hear than others, but I truly believe that if we can give our children space to speak their truth and hear it without judgement or attachment, we give the relationship an enormous gift. And for me, the relationship is worth protecting in the same way a mama bear protects her cubs. If I have any hope of my children coming to me for guidance and support as they navigate the teen years, I simply must lay that foundation now, during these earlier years.

Now I have a confession to make: I was not always able to hear this kind of feedback so graciously. There was a time when I may have responded very differently to my daughter, not have been as open, would have taken things personally.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I realized that we needed help tending to our relationship as we walked this new married path together. We were finding ourselves in conflict over various aspects of our life together, and the conversations did not always go smoothly. He was desperately unhappy in his job and I was often frustrated and sometimes even rage filled over unresolved issues that lingered from unhealed parts of my life. We knew we loved each other, we just didn't always know how to relate to each other.

A wonderful healer who has blessed our lives planted the seeds of growth that led to deep transformation. I remember one session in which she asked us individually who was the most important person in our lives. "Chrisitne", replied my husband. "Jeff", I replied. She looked at us with kind eyes that conveyed we had some learning to do. Yes, honouring each other is noble and all very nice, she said, but we need to see ourselves as the most sacred person in our lives. "Huh?", I remember thinking. This was definitely new. She very gently guided our thinking to realizing that when we heal ourselves, when our own tank is full, when we are in love with ourselves, when we honour ourselves, when we take care of ourselves first, we have more to give the world. We can be our brightest beings. We can spread love, light and walk our most authentic paths. We can be in that beautiful position I found myself in today whereupon I could hear my daughter's request without judgement. I could thank her and realize, that of course I make mistakes as a mom, and aren't I lucky that I have a daughter who chose me despite my shortcomings.

Now and again my husband and I need reminders, but by and large, we have learned to exist peacefully and lovingly inside of our marriage while protecting our own selves as sacred and seperate from the union to each other.

So the gratitude I felt today was for the gift of healing, for the healing that all beings do here on Mother Earth. For when we heal, by Universal law, we heal those around us, and that to me, is profoundly beautiful.

With love,
Christine