Becoming Myself

Today, I dropped my girls off at camp and I was on my way to meet a friend for tea. As I drove, I passed a motel that every year has the most beautiful flowers in front. The flowers are lovingly watered and tended to and the array of colours is breathtaking. This year is no exception. Almost every time I drive past them, I comment on them to my girls. "Look at the flowers, girls, they are soooo beautiful, I say". They are truly that lovely. But something different happened today. They were more beautiful, more colourful, more alive looking than ever before. They seemed to speak to me today and beckon for my gaze. I felt at one with the flowers. The pull and attraction were so strong, that I wanted to pull over and touch them, talk to them, BE the flowers. And in that moment, I felt such joy, like my whole being was watered with happiness. It was so strong that I began to cry. Tears of pure blissful joy sprung up and I felt so alive and at one with the Universe that I could hardly sit still. The world is brighter, the noises crisper, animals are more beautiful, curious and playful. I LOVE LIFE, I wanted to shout!

As I continued to drive, I began to wonder why today of all days I should be so blessed with this divine joy and contentment. Were the flowers really brighter? Were people suddenly friendlier? Were my children different? Were the animals truly putting on a better show? No, I realized, they were not. It is I who is different. It's my perception of the world that is different today and this is why: In those moments earlier this morning and more and more in my life lately, I live in the moment. Each beautiful, delicious moment as it arises. My Gosh this is SO simple....why don't I do it more? Oh, I've read what the experts say about conscious living and my head "gets" this living in the moment notion, but for much of my life I was unable to do it. I was so busy living in the past and worrying about the future that I was missing my life! For a practice that really is simple, it can be very hard for me.

But today is different; today I relish, love, appreciate and express gratitude for every succulent, juicy, joyous moment that I am alive. Today I give deep thanks and enormous gratitude for every human who has helped me heal. I step forward and sincerely thank all of those beings for their wisdom, their generosity of spirit to help me learn more about myself, to be gentle with myself and to extend that gentleness to those around me. I no longer feel the need to hide what I have to offer the world. I am here and I always have been, it's true. But today I believe in myself in a way I don't remember. "I count" a little voice is whispering to me. Today I hear it, today I honour it, today I put it on display for the one person who matters: myself! It is reverence for healing that I feel today. For that healing is what allows me to be my brightest self and enjoy this beautiful life I have.

Things are shifting, there is change in the air, I am emerging from my cocoon. My butterfly self is waiting for me to awaken her. I am ready!

Christine
xo