Today, I dropped my girls off at camp and I was on my way to meet a friend for tea. As I drove, I passed a motel that every year has the most beautiful flowers in front. The flowers are lovingly watered and tended to and the array of colours is breathtaking. This year is no exception. Almost every time I drive past them, I comment on them to my girls. "Look at the flowers, girls, they are soooo beautiful, I say". They are truly that lovely. But something different happened today. They were more beautiful, more colourful, more alive looking than ever before. They seemed to speak to me today and beckon for my gaze. I felt at one with the flowers. The pull and attraction were so strong, that I wanted to pull over and touch them, talk to them, BE the flowers. And in that moment, I felt such joy, like my whole being was watered with happiness. It was so strong that I began to cry. Tears of pure blissful joy sprung up and I felt so alive and at one with the Universe that I could hardly sit still. The world is brighter, the noises crisper, animals are more beautiful, curious and playful. I LOVE LIFE, I wanted to shout!
As I continued to drive, I began to wonder why today of all days I should be so blessed with this divine joy and contentment. Were the flowers really brighter? Were people suddenly friendlier? Were my children different? Were the animals truly putting on a better show? No, I realized, they were not. It is I who is different. It's my perception of the world that is different today and this is why: In those moments earlier this morning and more and more in my life lately, I live in the moment. Each beautiful, delicious moment as it arises. My Gosh this is SO simple....why don't I do it more? Oh, I've read what the experts say about conscious living and my head "gets" this living in the moment notion, but for much of my life I was unable to do it. I was so busy living in the past and worrying about the future that I was missing my life! For a practice that really is simple, it can be very hard for me.
But today is different; today I relish, love, appreciate and express gratitude for every succulent, juicy, joyous moment that I am alive. Today I give deep thanks and enormous gratitude for every human who has helped me heal. I step forward and sincerely thank all of those beings for their wisdom, their generosity of spirit to help me learn more about myself, to be gentle with myself and to extend that gentleness to those around me. I no longer feel the need to hide what I have to offer the world. I am here and I always have been, it's true. But today I believe in myself in a way I don't remember. "I count" a little voice is whispering to me. Today I hear it, today I honour it, today I put it on display for the one person who matters: myself! It is reverence for healing that I feel today. For that healing is what allows me to be my brightest self and enjoy this beautiful life I have.
Things are shifting, there is change in the air, I am emerging from my cocoon. My butterfly self is waiting for me to awaken her. I am ready!
Christine
xo
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My Children ~ My Teachers
Just this morning, I learned yet another beautiful lesson at the hands of my daughter.
We decided after morning snuggles to ride our bikes to the local cafe for breakfast. With full tummies, we arrived back home and as we came in, I asked my girls to wash their hands and then proceeded to ask my older daughter to put some drawing materials away. Not thinking anything about these requests, I proceeded to go about my business.
A few moments later, my daughter came into the kitchen and said to me, "Mama, you know how you're always looking to be the best mom you can be?". "Yes," I replied, (wondering what I had done this time)! "Well, I don't really like it when you ask me to do two things at once. It's like you don't give me a chance to do the first thing before you ask me to do the second thing." "Oh!", I replied, genuinely surprised. I honestly hadn't given it a second thought. I proceeded to thank her for her honesty and for sharing with me her feelings of frustration. She asked me if I would only ask for one thing to be done before I added another request to the list. I responded that I most certainly could do that. She toddled away, and that was that!
It is moments like these that give me such gratitude and peace about being a mom. This mom role is tough some days, and I truly value the feedback. Now some feedback is easier to hear than others, but I truly believe that if we can give our children space to speak their truth and hear it without judgement or attachment, we give the relationship an enormous gift. And for me, the relationship is worth protecting in the same way a mama bear protects her cubs. If I have any hope of my children coming to me for guidance and support as they navigate the teen years, I simply must lay that foundation now, during these earlier years.
Now I have a confession to make: I was not always able to hear this kind of feedback so graciously. There was a time when I may have responded very differently to my daughter, not have been as open, would have taken things personally.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I realized that we needed help tending to our relationship as we walked this new married path together. We were finding ourselves in conflict over various aspects of our life together, and the conversations did not always go smoothly. He was desperately unhappy in his job and I was often frustrated and sometimes even rage filled over unresolved issues that lingered from unhealed parts of my life. We knew we loved each other, we just didn't always know how to relate to each other.
A wonderful healer who has blessed our lives planted the seeds of growth that led to deep transformation. I remember one session in which she asked us individually who was the most important person in our lives. "Chrisitne", replied my husband. "Jeff", I replied. She looked at us with kind eyes that conveyed we had some learning to do. Yes, honouring each other is noble and all very nice, she said, but we need to see ourselves as the most sacred person in our lives. "Huh?", I remember thinking. This was definitely new. She very gently guided our thinking to realizing that when we heal ourselves, when our own tank is full, when we are in love with ourselves, when we honour ourselves, when we take care of ourselves first, we have more to give the world. We can be our brightest beings. We can spread love, light and walk our most authentic paths. We can be in that beautiful position I found myself in today whereupon I could hear my daughter's request without judgement. I could thank her and realize, that of course I make mistakes as a mom, and aren't I lucky that I have a daughter who chose me despite my shortcomings.
Now and again my husband and I need reminders, but by and large, we have learned to exist peacefully and lovingly inside of our marriage while protecting our own selves as sacred and seperate from the union to each other.
So the gratitude I felt today was for the gift of healing, for the healing that all beings do here on Mother Earth. For when we heal, by Universal law, we heal those around us, and that to me, is profoundly beautiful.
With love,
Christine
We decided after morning snuggles to ride our bikes to the local cafe for breakfast. With full tummies, we arrived back home and as we came in, I asked my girls to wash their hands and then proceeded to ask my older daughter to put some drawing materials away. Not thinking anything about these requests, I proceeded to go about my business.
A few moments later, my daughter came into the kitchen and said to me, "Mama, you know how you're always looking to be the best mom you can be?". "Yes," I replied, (wondering what I had done this time)! "Well, I don't really like it when you ask me to do two things at once. It's like you don't give me a chance to do the first thing before you ask me to do the second thing." "Oh!", I replied, genuinely surprised. I honestly hadn't given it a second thought. I proceeded to thank her for her honesty and for sharing with me her feelings of frustration. She asked me if I would only ask for one thing to be done before I added another request to the list. I responded that I most certainly could do that. She toddled away, and that was that!
It is moments like these that give me such gratitude and peace about being a mom. This mom role is tough some days, and I truly value the feedback. Now some feedback is easier to hear than others, but I truly believe that if we can give our children space to speak their truth and hear it without judgement or attachment, we give the relationship an enormous gift. And for me, the relationship is worth protecting in the same way a mama bear protects her cubs. If I have any hope of my children coming to me for guidance and support as they navigate the teen years, I simply must lay that foundation now, during these earlier years.
Now I have a confession to make: I was not always able to hear this kind of feedback so graciously. There was a time when I may have responded very differently to my daughter, not have been as open, would have taken things personally.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I realized that we needed help tending to our relationship as we walked this new married path together. We were finding ourselves in conflict over various aspects of our life together, and the conversations did not always go smoothly. He was desperately unhappy in his job and I was often frustrated and sometimes even rage filled over unresolved issues that lingered from unhealed parts of my life. We knew we loved each other, we just didn't always know how to relate to each other.
A wonderful healer who has blessed our lives planted the seeds of growth that led to deep transformation. I remember one session in which she asked us individually who was the most important person in our lives. "Chrisitne", replied my husband. "Jeff", I replied. She looked at us with kind eyes that conveyed we had some learning to do. Yes, honouring each other is noble and all very nice, she said, but we need to see ourselves as the most sacred person in our lives. "Huh?", I remember thinking. This was definitely new. She very gently guided our thinking to realizing that when we heal ourselves, when our own tank is full, when we are in love with ourselves, when we honour ourselves, when we take care of ourselves first, we have more to give the world. We can be our brightest beings. We can spread love, light and walk our most authentic paths. We can be in that beautiful position I found myself in today whereupon I could hear my daughter's request without judgement. I could thank her and realize, that of course I make mistakes as a mom, and aren't I lucky that I have a daughter who chose me despite my shortcomings.
Now and again my husband and I need reminders, but by and large, we have learned to exist peacefully and lovingly inside of our marriage while protecting our own selves as sacred and seperate from the union to each other.
So the gratitude I felt today was for the gift of healing, for the healing that all beings do here on Mother Earth. For when we heal, by Universal law, we heal those around us, and that to me, is profoundly beautiful.
With love,
Christine
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